Too Close to Teach?

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Language: en

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Too close to teach?

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‚I don’t want to be your therapist, I don’t want to be your teacher.‘
[I’d rather be your lover.]

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Okay, so you were just telling me about the doubts you had,

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whether … because certain elements, breathing, etc. were missing …

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I’m curious to learn something else before you expand on that.

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How was it to learn from your brother?

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This question ties in with the question of teaching one’s spouse, some very close relatives.

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And I’m happy to listen to what you have to say from today’s perspective also after all these decades of experience.

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Because sometimes it’s – in my experience at least – it can be …

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A situation sometimes exists where maybe it is better that the student goes to somewhere else,

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that the wife goes to a stranger to learn Reiki than learning it from her own husband.

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There you are with your own elder brother, whom you tried to rescue in Poona and stayed yourself.

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He is now to become your Reiki teacher. I’m curious a little bit about that aspect before we dial into your doubts and so on.

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So, I think this can be handled either way.

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But what I think is that it’s not a good thing to learn something from your teacher and then start a romantic relationship with them.

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So for example, I’ll give you an example. When I met my wife, that was in 2002 in Greece,

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I was teaching at a meditation center in Lesbos, and she came to me and she said,

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‚Oh, I hear you do Reiki, I also do Reiki, can I … I hear you do a workshop with techniques,

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can I come in the afternoon, but in the mornings I’m working at the center, so I cannot come all day?‘

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I said, ‚Oh, sorry, it’s not possible.‘ Because when I saw her, I knew that I wanted something from her, but it wasn’t that.

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I didn’t want to start a relationship as a teacher-student relationship because you can’t fix it afterwards, from my experience.

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So I said to her, ‚No, it’s not possible.‘ So I refused her.

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Later on when she did the Jikiden Reiki courses, I didn’t teach her either, I let her go to Tadao sensei.

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To learn from him?

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To learn from him. But this was not because I thought that it would create a conflict between us later on,

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because we were already together, but this was because I wanted her to have a really authentic experience.

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So I think between close people is not a problem – you’re a partner, you’re a brother or so.

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If you keep that clear, the relationship that you have, it’s fine.

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For example, I wouldn’t hesitate to teach my kids, more than they know about Reiki or about family therapy or anything.

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I wouldn’t hesitate with that.

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Okay, it’s interesting that you used then a comparison with your wife, where you said, with the intimate relationship.

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In fact, in my own Reiki practice, when we train the teacher’s level, we are saying that if as a teacher,

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I have a student and I happen to fall in love with that student and vice versa, there is a rule of thumb,

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which is actually borrowed from the Psychotherapeutic Associations,

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which says: for six months – there are associations which have a longer period even – there’s no sexual relationship, there’s no intimacy.

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In order to avoid that there is an element of transference.

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Yeah, the way I did it was I just refused her as a student and I said to her,

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‚Look, I don’t want to be a therapist, I don’t want to be your teacher.‘

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Because I want to be your lover.

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Yeah, I didn’t say that. I didn’t have the guts to say that, but I meant that.

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Yeah. Interesting!

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That worked good for us.

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So in general, I don’t think there’s really an issue when you already have an established relationship with somebody

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to learn something like Reiki from that person, because you already …

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Yeah, established a relationship …

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Thank you to our sponsors! This video depicts a segment of a four-day interview with Frank Arjava Petter.

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For all videos and the list of sponsors visit our website:
www.reiki-conciliation.org

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Translation: AI
Transcript: René Vögtli